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Belarus Sordid looking pagan exploits, Terry Gilliam, and a diva who barged her way out of the hall after being snubbed by sensible semi-final voters. A solid Eurovision start from one of the true last bastions of Communist rule. I can forsee Belarus becoming one of the more interesting of Eurosong nations. Just pray they don't win the thing...we'll never get in, and if we do, we wouldn't want to wait to get out. |
Beth She wasn't only a short woman with a short name, but also a short woman with a short song. Even a fine washboard stomach couldn't disguise the typically misplaced Spanish optimism in her effort of 2003. It was the favourite, but by following the oyster swallowers of tATu, it's chances were immediately scuppered. Apparently it's still possible to dance all night to this in The Rum and Shag (Bar and Discotheque), Fuertaventura. But it just didn't have the necessary scorchio factor to pull a win off. |
Belgium
Fud and Bob took turns early on to fail miserably, and it took foetus Sandra Kim to finally put Belgium on the map in 1985. Before 1985, Belgium had been a tiny principality whose main export was cartoon stills, monk beer, and tortoiseshell rimmed eyeglasses. Since then they got their teeth into chocolate too. More appropriate mid-table obscurity followed though, until last year's surprising 2nd place for Urban Trad, again going to show that it only takes a peculiar dance routine to get close to winning Eurovision. |
Birgitta Haukdal Birgitta is Husavik's finest. And that's a fact. She opened up the 2003 contest in a pair of pants so tight you could read the washing instructions. My comments at the time were; Have you got a geyser, Birgitta? Do you want a quick hot spring? Let old faithful do its job, Popthekettleonpetal etc. And I hold by those comments. Lead singer in one of the biggest bands in Iceland, Irafar, her future seems locally assured. And she's always got a place to stay if she's passing through here too. |
Black Lace
The only proper episodes of 3-2-1 were the ones when
this sublime talent were involved. |
Bobbysocks "La Det Swinge to the Rock'n'Roll, La Det Swinge to the Rocker Ho Ho Ho, Ho Hi-de-Ho, La Det Swinge to the Rock'n'Roll". ...or something like that. One of the great choruses, and a deserving champion in 1986. It shall always be a monument to musical drivel. |
Bosnia & Herzegovina
A popular nation of the hardcore ESC fans, although I'm slightly confused as to why, since it's all well and good churning out weak ethno-fuelled pap rock every year, but just because it's not sung in English, does not mean that the songs are any good. To my mind 2003 was the best year for Bosnia, and yet my UK thought it was the worst song of the contest that year. Unfortunately at least to popular UK tastes, Balkan musical ethnicity equals excrement. Also spare a special thought for the campest performer for many a year in 2004. |
Blue Cafe Much like her likeness, the equally talent-deprived singing/songwriting Sharleen Spitieri, Blue Cafe churned out a repetitive sack of shite in 2004 and were relegated. How they got 27 points I'll never understand. I've read that this bunch of misfits do have "a strong market". I presume that after her failure, this now means selling fruit & veg out of a stall in Krakow as a means to boost their income. Sweet song, my arse. They badly dressed their song with a selection of brass instruments, instruments that weren't heard once throughout the song. Bizarre. They should have been be done under the Trade Descriptions Act, the rank-standing impertinence of them. |
Brotherhood of Man
"They are proud to boast
today the exact same line-up of four faces known to millions of TV viewers
and pop fans all over the world" |
Boris Novkovic Badly shaven Boris was thankfully been joined by three women who looked like those machines you get at the seaside that you drop coins down to try and dislodge more coins, as well as a bloke who likes to paint red lines on his body & drums. And whilst this does add something to the act, I'm not quite sure what it actually is. It was dull, it was wholly inconsequential, and so guess what, it flew into the final in 4th place. Proof if proof is needed that mediocrity really is the way forward for Europe. |
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Brainstorm
Renars Kaupers co-presented the ESC
in 2003. He also performed "My Star" in 2000 with Brainstorm
and came third..."it's troo". And Brainstorm appeared on a roof-top
during the half-time interval in 2003. So all in all, he's a bit of a
Eurovision old-timer. |
Bucks Fizz As progenitors of the on-stage strip show, they have much to answer for. Named over-optimistically after a fruity champagne drink, Bucks Fizz went onto to surprising UK success during the culturally bereft early 80's. They split up after ten years without a top 80 hit, and Cheryl Baker was last seen breaking her legs after jumping out of an aeroplane. How the mighty fall. |