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How best to distil the efforts of the last 18 years of pointless
solo badinage? How can I sum up the 685 performances I have had the pleasure
of reviewing, castigating and occasionally lauding over these many years?
It has to be an awards ceremony, with the metaphorical turqoise carpet
off-cut taken down from the loft. Many of the mediocre and low rent acts
have been long forgotten and don't form part of this review. Instead you'll
find a celebration of some that is good, many of which is great, and much
that is so bad it's great. So settle in for an arse numbing 30 award categories,
Whether you agree or not, just accept that they celebrate the very essence
of the Eurosong. |
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Silvia Night |
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Rona Nishliu |
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Severin |  |
Leonara |
Merit badges in this category to: Krista
Siegfrids, Natalie Barbu, Luminita Anghel, Ruslana, Ani Lorak, and Gaitana |
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DQ |  |
Zoli Adok |
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Verka Serduchka |  |
Cezar |
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Peter Nalitch & Friends |
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Ryan O'Shaughnessy |
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Cristina Scarlat |  |
Salvador Sobral |
| Trinkets of recognition in this category
were thrown at: Equinox ('18), Homens da Luta ('11), Donny Martell ('12),
Genealogy ('15), Dinaj ('17), Zeljko Joksimovic ('12), Diana Gurtskaya
('08)
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Sweden |
Iceland |
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Estonia |
Malta f |
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Treble - Amambanda (Netherlands
'06) |
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Ishtar - O Julissi (Belgium
'08) |
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Severina - Moja Stikla
(Croatia '06) |
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Buranovskiye Babushki- Party
for everybody (Russia '12) |
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Randajad - Urban Symphony (Estonia '09) |  |
Origo - Joci Papai (Hungary '17) |
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Spirit in the sky - KEIINO (Norway '19) |  |
Tii - Neiokoso (Estonia
'04) |
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Forogj Vilag - Nox (Hungary '05) |  |
Voda - Elitsa Todorova &
Stoyan Yankoulov (Bulgaria '07) |
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Patricia Kaas (France '09) |
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Madame Monsieur (France
'18) |
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Kate Miller Heidke (Australia '19) |
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Mei Feingold (Israel '14) |
Sopping rags also provided
to Kate Ryan (Belgium '06), Safura (Azerbaijan '10), Blue (UK '11), Dina
Garipova (Russia '13), Aram MP3 (Armenia '14), Conan Osiris (Portugal
'19), and yet another French warbler in Barbara Pravi ('21) |
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Kuunkuiskaajat (FInland
'10) |
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Jana Burceska (FYROM
'17) |
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Svala (Iceland '17) |  |
Selma (Iceland '05) |
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A further kick in the teeth "near but not quite"
mention to Sandra Oxenryd (Estonia '06), Anna Bergendahl (Sweden '10),
Global Kryner (Austria '05), ZIBBZ (Switzerland '18), Joan Franka (Netherlands
'12), Aarzemnieki (Latvia '14) |
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Trackshittaz (Austria
'12) |
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Ilanca feat. Alex Florea
(Romania '17) |
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Daz Sampson (UK '06) |  |
Kraljevi Ulice & 75 cents (Croatia '08) |
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A badly written shout out of sub standard quality also
to Ich Troje feat. Real McCoy (Poland '06), Jessy Matador (France '10),
Gipsy.cz (Czech Rep '09), and Who See (FYR '13) |
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Marija Serifovic (Serbia
'07) |
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Zeljko Joksimovic & Ad Hoc
Orchestra (Serbia '04) |
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Ruth Lorenzo (Spain '15) |  |
Conchita Wurst (Austria '14) |
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a warbling shout also goes out to Knez (Montenegro
'15), Hari Mata Hari (Bos&Her '06), Sanna Neilsen (Sweden '14) |
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Amaia & Alfred (Spain
'18) |
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Tolmachevy Sisters (Russia
'14) |
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Serebro (Russia '07) |  |
Equinox (Bulgaria '18) |
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An invitation to meet for the first time also offered
to Femminem (Croatia '10), Moje 3 (Serbia '13), & Il Volo (Italy '15) |
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Maneskin (Italy '21) |  |
Teapacks (Israel '07) |
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Hatari (Iceland '19) |  |
Terasbetoni (Finland '08) |
| Obviously the category needs to mention Lordi (Finland '06) as well as virtually every Finnish entrant. Also loud angry shout out to AWS (Hungary '18) | |||
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Glass shattering consequences from Melana
Ernman, and that's just the physical aspects of 2009's Swedish
entrant |
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Jacques Houdek (Croatia
'17) |
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Alenka Gotar (Slovenia '07) | |
Kate Miller Heidke (Australia '19) |
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Cezar (Romania '12) |  |
Elina Nechayeva (Estonia '18) |
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A category which just keeps on giving, this were tough
decisions to rule out from the extended short list; Bonaparti.lv (Latvia
'07), Miodio (San Marino '08), and Amaury Vassili (France '11) |
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Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis (Greece '13) |  |
Nelly Ciobanu (Moldova '09) |
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Serhat (San Marino '19) |  |
Sarbel (Greece '07) |
| As the show itself is basically
onre big party there were untold possibilities here, but ultimately coming
up short were; Deep Zone & Balthazar (Bulgaria '08), Nina (Serbia
'11), Pasha Parfeny (Moldova '12), Mikolas Josef (Czech Rep '18), and
Natalia Gordienko (Moldova '21) |
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Dana International (Israel
'11) |
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Alexander Rybak (Norway
'18) |
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Carola (Sweden '06) |  |
Jedward (Ireland '12) |
| WIthin the morass of acts desperate for an Indian summer the panel also considered; Chiara (Malta '05), Sakis Rouvas (Greece '09), Niamh Kavanagh (Ireland '10), Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Kankulov (Bulgaria '13), and Paula Seling & Ovi (Romania '14) | |||
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Nadav Guedj (Israel
'15) |
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Genealogy (Armenia '15) |
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Donatan & Cleo (Poland
'14) |
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Anastasia Vinnikova (Belarus '11) |
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Ivi Adamou (Cyprus '12) |
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Gabriela Guncikova (Czech
Rep '16) |
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Natalia Podolskaya (Russia '05) |  |
Alonya Lanskaya (Belarus '13) |
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Natalia Barbu (Moldova '07) |  |
Nina Zilli (Italy '12) |
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Natalia Gordienko (Moldova '21) |  |
Tina Karol (Ukraine '06) |
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A huge number of acts expressing an interest in this
award, but back to the casting couch for; Kristina (Slovakia '10), Eleni
Foureira (Cyprus '18), Elena (Romania '09), Xandee (Belgium '04), Eva
Rivas (Armenia '10), & Nina Sublatti (Georgia '15) |
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Sakis Rouvas (Greece
'04) |
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Donny Montell (Lithuania
'16) |
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Max Jason Mai (Slovakia '12) |  |
Ramon (Spain '04) |
Lads who need to pump a bit
more iron were; Farid Mammadov (Azerbaijan '13), SergeyLazarev (Russia
'16), & Mikolas Josef (Czech Rep '18)
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| Portugal | Finland | ||
| France | Ukraine | ||
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| United Kingdom | Turkey |
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| Greece | Denmark |
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Patrick Ouchene - Copycat (Belgium '09) |  |
Kaffe - Lorrain (Bulgaria '04) |
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Scooch - Flying the flag (UK ' 07) |  |
Tornike Kipiani - You (Georgia '21) |
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Serhat - I didn't know (San Marino '16) |  |
Josh Dubovie - That sounds good to me (UK '10) |
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LT United - We are the winners (Lithuania '06) |  |
Axel Hirsoux - Mother (Belgium '14) |
| Following heated debate
which turned to fist fights, the short short short list of 13 was whittled
down to 8. Worth a mention for the full hell of it all are; Pirates of
the Sea (Latvia '08), Esma & Lozano (FYROM'13), The Shin & Mariko
(Georgia '14), Pertti Kurikan Nimipaivat (Finland '15), & Conan Osiris
(Portugal '19) |
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So hotly contrested I burnt my fingers going through the long list. |
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Izabo - Time (Israel '12) |  |
4Fun - Love or leave (Lithuania '08) |
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Magdi Rusza - Unsubstantial Blues (Hungary '08) |  |
Compact Disco - Sound of our hearts (Hungary '12) |
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Knut Anders Sorum - High (Norway '04) |  |
Claudia Pascoal - O Jardim (Portugal '18) |
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Emma - La ma citta (Italy '14) |
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Anggun - Echo (you & I) (France
'12) |
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Jana Burceska- Dance alone (FYROM '17) |  |
Laura Rizzotto - Funny Girl (Latvia '18) |
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Honourable mention to; Who See - Igranka (Montenegro
'13) & the twin rare relative Swede failures of Frans - If were sorry
('16) & Anna Bergandahl -This is my life ('10). |
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Zoli Adok - Dance with me
(Hungary '09) |
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Miro - Angel si ti (Bulgaria
'10) |
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Kejsi Tola - Carry me in your dreams (Albania '09) |  |
Alekseev - Forever (Belarus '18) |
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Deen - In the disco
(Bosnia '04) |
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Slavko Kalezic - Space (Montenegro '17) |
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Croatia |
Denmark | ||
Estonia |
United Kingdom | ||
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Gjon's Tears - Tout L'univers
(Switzerland '21) |
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Laka - Pokusaj (Bos
& Herz '08) |
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Ruslana - WIld Dances (Ukraine '04) |  |
Loreen - Euphoria (Sweden '12) |
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Lesley Roy - Maps (Ireland '21) |  |
Sebastien Tellier - Divine (France '08) |
We search for originality
in Eurosong like a pig for truffles. Snuffling around we also found; Mans
Zemerlow - Heroes (Sweden '15), Jacques Houdek - My friend (Croatia '17),
Dihaj - Skeletons (Azerbaijan '17), & Francesca Michielin - No degree
of separation (Italy '16).
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| Belgium | Norway | ||
| Portugal | Finland | ||
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Italy |
Georgia/Moldova/Azerbaijan
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Serbia |
Sweden |
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Loreen - Euphoria (Sweden
'12) |
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Verka Serduchka - Dancing lasha
tumbai (Ukraine '08) |
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Ruslana - Wild dances (Ukraine '04) |  |
Svetlana Loboda - Be my valentine (anti crisis girl) (Ukraine '09) |
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DoReDos - My lucky day (Moldova '18) |  |
Lucie Jones - Never give up on you (UK '17) |
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Mans Zemerlow - Heroes (Sweden '15) |  |
Yohanna - Is it true? (Iceland '09) |
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Nika Kocharov & young Georgian lolitaz - Midnight gold (Georgia '16) |  |
Pasha Parfeny - Lautar (Moldova '12) |
In an already crowded category,
taking to the stage once more flagrantly ignoring social distancing rules
are; Mor Vo Otesi - Deli (Turkey '08), Lena - Satellite (Germany '10),
Twin Twin - Moustache (France '14), Aminata - Love Injected (Latvia '15),
Saara Aalto - Monsters (Finland '18), & Rambo Amadeus - Euro Neuro
(Montenegro '12) |
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maNga (Turkey '10) |  |
Francesca Michielin (Italy '16) |
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Carl Espen (Norway '14) |  |
Anouk (Netherlands '13) |
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Nina Zilli (Italy '12) |  |
Poli Genova (Bulgaria '16) |
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Duncan Laurence - Arcade (Netherlands '19) | |
Nina Zilli - L'amore e femmina (out of love) (Italy '12) |
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Barei - Say yay! (Spain '16) |  |
Dino Merlin - Love in rewind (Bos & Herz '11) |
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Loreen - Euphoria (Sweden '12) |  |
Maraaya - Here for you (Slovenia '15) |
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Sebastien Tellier - Divine (France '08) |  |
Poli Genova - If love was a crime (Bulgaria '16) |
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Francesco Gabbani - Occidentali's karma (Italy '17) |  |
Paula Seling & Ovi - Playing with fire (Romania '10) |
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Natalia Gordienko - Sugar (Moldova '21) | |
Mans Zemerlow - Heroes (Sweden '15) |
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| Thank you all for coming, safe journey home. |
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