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As ever, I will be keeping
a close and beady eye on the market movers and shakers and provide my
sage summarised comments. It wasn't difficult to name the winner last
year, and the bookies seem to think that 2013 as just as nailed on. I'm
not so sure however... Although this is undoubtedly a vey weak year, I remain unconvinced by the charms of barefoot Denmark and her paltry odds. As a result there is more relatively value further down the list, however it is tricky to spot anything half decent. It's like trying to pick a ripe grape from a bunch with leaf spot. 2012: My tips Sweden (Win 2/1 - 1st),
Russia (Each Way 9/1 - 2nd), UK (last place 33/1
- 24th of 26) So what do I reckon? d. As usual it's a crap shoot, but good luck in your random acts of betting... |
| Average Odds
taken from a selection of online UK bookmakers - dated 18th April |
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| Average Odds |
Notes |
|
| Denmark | 11/8 |
Huge bookies favourite but I'm still wondering why. In crass ESC devotee parlance, may be "fan w#nk" |
| Norway | 13/2 |
Sprayed into a bodice will help, but again just too Scandi dull to come out on top?... |
| Ukraine | 10/1 |
Like the TV show "Lost", goes nowhere, makes little sense, and has a truly tragic ending. But bizarrely popular |
| Russia | 14/1 |
Sub-Coca Cola advert drivel. Piss to all, Give piss a chance. etc etc. Nailed on Top10. Could sadly excel |
| Sweden | 14/1 |
Key to hosts chances is whether he can control his adolescent warblings. More key changes than Timpsons |
| Netherlands | 14/1 |
Like it. The oft put-upon Dutch will finally get to the Final with this low key number. I wish it well. |
| Germany | 20/1 |
Surprisingly down the list, this is a cheap Loreen Euro dance pastiche, but isn't the worst of the year. |
| Georgia | 20/1 |
Sub Azeri Running Scared (I'll be shot for that). Can't see a podium finish. Just too dull and derivative |
| Italy | 20/1 |
Welcome style, and a substantial quiff helps. One of the better efforts from the dependable Italians. Chance |
| San Marino | 20/1 |
2 songs almost make a whole,. Siegel's "Crying Game" with him getting his tackle out for the final minute |
| UK | 25/1 |
Better than last year so not bottom 3. Not top 5 either. So somewhere from 6-23. Not very exciting really. |
| Azerbaijan | 33/1 |
Your standard plaintive ballard balls. Highly forgettable in every respect but will be a finalist. |
| Ireland | 40/1 |
The Oirish go Gay Euro Dance. Promising 1st minute, then drops off. I think this could qualify though. |
| Belarus | 40/1 |
Euro dance lite, but again a solid little number that should progress. Their initial choice would've won, mind. |
| Greece | 66/1 |
A truly left field rouseabout nonsense, which is likely to be a pleasing mess on stage. May surprise |
| Finland | 66/1 |
High pop tat from a body confident lass. Difficult to predict but not likely to trouble the top. |
| Armenia | 80/1 |
Turgid soft rock from the heaviest eyebrows in lead singer land. Really can't see the appeal. |
| Malta | 100/1 |
Got a good feeling for this. In times of hardship you'll be hard pressed to dislike this gentle ditty. Lovely. |
| France | 100/1 |
Your typical slightly demented Gallic chantreusing. She'll be leaving it all on stage that's for sure. Top ten? |
| Serbia | 100/1 |
Low pop tat from a trio of tuneless lapdancers. All cleavage and stockings...the only saving grace. |
| Moldova | 100/1 |
Semi-solid power ballard from be-gowned Campanula Tottington. Could qualify but probably shouldn't |
| Austria | 100/1 |
Neither mickling nor muckling, a nation with few natural voting allies will struggle with this pop rock lite nowt |
| Switzerland | 100/1 |
Salvation in the form of a happy Swiss troupe of disciples. It's never ever going to win, but a final place is a go. |
| Estonia | 100/1 |
Christ this is beyond dull, and not even catchy with it. I can't see this getting through so ignore. |
| Slovenia | 100/1 |
Low rent Euro dance. Another song which fails to lift off, but not utterly without merit. Unlikely qualifier though |
| Romania | 100/1 |
The lowest quality, worst performing, and most offensive ESC song I remember since Lorrain. Beyond words |
| Lithuania | 100/1 |
A nation who continues to either misinterpret what Europe wants or just can't come up with anyone decent |
| Hungary | 100/1 |
Most unusual entry, so worthy of note for that alone. Likely to punch abve it's weight I predict. Promo of the year |
| Israel | 100/1 |
Largest cleavage since Nicholson in "The Shining". The Woodruff-alike's power ballard should be a Finalist |
| Spain | 100/1 |
Welcome addition of bagpipes aside, this is gentle folkie number is destined for lower mid-table obscurity |
| Cyprus | 100/1 |
Just what we need, another power ballard. The Amazonian lady doesn't fit this shouty effort, nor does the Final |
| Montenegro | 100/1 |
Wondrously welcome bonkers effort from the Balkans. Hip Hop comes to ESC again. Hopefully with more luck |
| Albania | 125/1 |
Throaty ramblings amongst a mess of instrumentation. Awful. |
| Belgium | 125/1 |
A face that I want to slap, a voice I want to gag. Apart from that, not terrible. |
| Bulgaria | 150/1 |
Like Dalgleish, shouldn't have bothered coming back, cos the second time around is going to be a disaster |
| Croatia | 150/1 |
There is a difficult 3 minutes ahead, from this opera lite man band of limited means. Unlikely to progress. |
| Iceland | 150/1 |
Hairy Hagrid likely to induce dulling of the sense. Avoid. |
| FYROM | 150/1 |
Pracatan will get you reaching for the back of the drinks cabinet. But remember to keep happy. |
| Latvia | 150/1 |
Another Baltic nation building a strong body of evidence to suggest insanity in the ranks. Psych! |
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