Another addition to The Voice pantheon of failed acts, Lucie Jones is the latest naive addition to the UK Euorsong morgue. She is honestly one of the best voices of the year, but her song, "Never give up on you" is dull squared. Will Brexit knock Lucie out to common opinion, or does Europe have a heart? You decide here
I can't recall when the UK representative has been 100/1 in the betting, but I give you Joe and Jake with "You're not Alone". Ironically I honestly don't think the quality is that bad, although a placing with a 20 in it probably awaits. It's here
[Loud exhalation, followed by distinct muttering under the breath]... the UK have gone for "swing music with a modern twist" in 2015 from Electro Velvet with "Still in Love With You". I think the BBC are still thinking "modern" and "Pete Waterman" are the same thing. It's appalling. It's here
Molly Smitten Downes may sound like a character in a E.M.Forster novel, but it's the young singer/songwriter from Blighty who is putting her budding career on the line with "Power to the people". Don't expect Mr Richard-like arm-waving, but do support her here
Bonnie Tyler, her of a few notable 1970's soft rock hits, will be standing in to give a UK old 'un a final career boost with "Believe in Me", a song which suits her gravelly tones but is once again utterly forgettable. Learn about it here
The early 1970's legend Engelbert Humperdinck will be wheeled out in 2012 to drift through a fairly mediocre ballard. I think he'll do us proud, and is here.
Is the mantle of laughing stock of Eurosong being shaken off the UK's shoulders? Maybe so. Boyband Blue have kindly (or is it naively?) agreed to re-ignite their careers with "I Can". In a year of a Royal Wedding my patriotic juices are flowing, I sincerely hope they can. Get tub thumping and predict, like me, a top five here

The Tourist Guide says

"Visit England and discover a country of great contrast and diversity both in the places you go to and in the people you meet.
All the regions of England are within easy reach of the exciting capital city, London, famed for first class culture, fascinating history and pageantry, its world-class restaurants and theatre."

"Scotland is everything you imagine – whisky, golf, the romance of the clans and a wealth of castles and historic sites.
What strikes visitors most about Scotland is the space, grandeur and sheer scale of the landscape.
Wales captivates visitors with its rich character and landscapes. The Welsh speak their own Celtic language aswell as English and have their own culture, poetry and song
Go if you are seeking a laid-back holiday with a feel for yesteryear."

"London is a vibrant, bustling, multi-cultural city. But it is also a city full of history, heritage and culture. Discover 2000 years of history and pageantry; visit some of its 300 museums and art galleries or eat your way round the world by sampling London's 6000 restaurants. London’s history is on display for all to see.And Edinburgh, Cardiff & Belfast have things to do too (well, apart from Cardiff that is)".

Phil Collins has got his own back on Oasis after a decade of insults from the Gallagher brothers.
He described Noel and Liam as "horrible" as he nominated the band on BBC2's Room 101.
And to the delight of the 55-year-old former Genesis singer, Paul Merton agreed to put the band into 'exile'.
Phil moaned: "They're rude and not as talented as they think they are. I won't mince words here but they've had a go at me personally."
Before 1997's general election, Noel warned the public to vote Labour or face tax exile Phil returning from Switzerland.
Noel said: "People f***ing hate c***s like Phil Collins - and if they don't, they f***ing should."
And as recently as June, he groaned: "Why did he sell so many records in the '80s? I mean, f***ing hell."
Cannon and Ball fan Nicky Kelly has broken a theatre's records - by spending £1,000 over the festive season to see her favourite duo in panto 38 times.
Bank clerk Nicky, 37, has seen the pair on every day of their two-month run in Dick Whittington.
Nicky has spent more than a quarter of a century - and tens of thousands of pounds - watching Tommy Cannon and Bobby Ball in Christmas runs and summer seasons around the country.
Nicky said: "You can't put a price on happiness and to watch them is a real lift to the spirit.
"For an hour on stage I'm transported away." Nicky, of Cyncoed, Cardiff, told how the first time she saw the pair she laughed so hard she blacked out.
She said: "Tom and Bob are master craftsmen and they really know how to work an audience. They learned their craft in the clubs. They are tremendous and they have so much to offer.
"It is a real joy to see them enjoying themselves when they are working and the magical moments when the tears are running down Tommy's cheeks."

to come

A man has taken a picture of all 900 pubs in South Yorkshire. But David Parry, an amateur historian, didn't have a single drink in any of them because he's a diabetic.
It has taken him five years to photograph every one of the county's pubs, and they are all now in an A-Z filing system at David's Wombwell home. "I used to love a pint before I was diagnosed - it's not been that easy at times going from pub to pub. But when you can't drink, the next best thing is photographing pubs," said David. Mmm.


A woman who drives a G-registration Austin Maestro has told of her shock after receiving a speeding ticket claiming she was travelling at 480mph.
Joanna James, 28, was allegedly clocked as she drove along a road in Bridgend earlier this month.
The mother-of-three, who bought the silver-coloured car for £100 in June, said it started to shake when it reached the motorway speed limit of 70mph.
A spokeswoman for the South Wales Safety Camera Partnership said the speed given on the ticket was down to a clerical error and a rectified notice, stating 48mph, had been issued.
Her husband, Kenneth, who carries out mechanical work on the car, said: "I am waiting for Nasa to ring up for the diagram of the engine."

Tommy Cooper, Frank Whittle, Charles Darwin, Stan Laurel
William Blake, John Lennon, Norman Stanley Fletcher, Tom Baker

Stephen Fry, Cary Grant, Peter Sellers, Les Dawson, John Logie Baird

Stephanie Cook, Fred Dibnah, Sir Frank Whittle. Charles Darwin

Alfred Hitchcock, Winston Churchill, Michael Powell, Isaac Newton

Edward Elgar, Charles Babbage, Bobby Charlton, David Byrne

Agatha Christie, Rupert Brooke, William Shakespeare

Ellen MacArthur, Roald Dahl, Charles Dickens, Nick Park.


Life expectancy

75.29 men 80.84 women
Airports 471
Radios 1,436 per 1,000 people
Internet Users 2,127.9 per 10,000 people
Railway Network 23,519 miles
Death Penalty abolished in 1965, except for treason and piracy.Abolished completely in 1998