Hello & welcome to a celebration of the finest pan--European annual musical jamboree known to man, the Eurovision Song Contest. Now you may find the whole idea of the Eurosong a touch passé, a bit old fashioned, uncool perhaps, or maybe a tad too much for your sensibilities. You'd be utterly wrong of course because in these unheralded times, even a Balkan ballard could never be as damaging as what we are faced with in the real world. I think that a low-rent mildly nostalgic mince through the continent provides a welcome opportunity to offer up a much needed guffaw, and you may just stumble upon an audio treasure.

Terrible events across the eastern edges of Europe continue to transform this non-political cultural celebration into a mouthpiece for the catastrophes occurring outside the hall. Never before has the institution come under such pressure, and that includes Siliva Night. In addition to the Ukraine war which continues to rule out Russia and Belarus, Gaza has heaped pressure on Israel and it's likely that the Swedes will be incurring a security budget that puts a stay in Stockholm's Grand Hotel very much in perspective. So whilst the statements of multiple contestants, including the UK's Olly Alexander, decrying the situation in Palestine comes as no surprise, it is disappointing if only in the sense that the contest is used for this purpose.

With Russia (& Belarus) not on the invite list aswell as a host of other Eastern nations once again missing the party (due to the annual subs), we again see 37 heading over the Øresund to southern Sweden, a country now sharing the accolade of the most ESC wins. The semi finals are on the 7th and 9th of May,with the Final on Saturday the 11th.

An assault on the senses like never before, with many an experienced ear in these matters collectively using adjectives like "quirky", "tiring", and "shouty". Still amongst all that there's still the comforting inclusion of plenty nonsensical svelte pop-pap, a Gallic chanteur, and Hera Bjork.

Italy are once again showing the rest how to write a catchy song, if not how to present it. So they may be shouted down from the morass of noisy blather on display. From the Estonian fight in a pub car park, to a deranged wants-to-be-naked fat man, to a bowl-cutted Dutch gurner and a nightmarish Oirish goth there is absolutely bucketloads to be frightened about this year. In amongst all the madness, a non-binary Swiss warbler looks to be most likely, Ukraine are unlikely to be far away as usual, and wildcard Croat village boy may appeal if you enjoy musical fondue. 2024 does feels like the most open contest for yonks.

This year has been briefly summarised with weakly researched & dubiously unhelpful opinion here (or indeed by clicking on the 2024 logo above). Also in an attempt not to let my paltry labours of the last 21 years go to waste, below are two decades of mildly derogatory musings that have no place in a progressive society. And after 20 years, it seems appropriate to consider stopping this annual flight of fancy. I'll probably drop a final awards show drawing together the not so great & downright awful from the archives, and after that head off into the sunset in my Tellier golf cart, hand in hand with Gabbani's gorilla.