Natalia Podolskaya

I really should be bemoaning the lack of originality and talent of the Russian entries. After all, they're sure to be guaranteed points from their many neighbours, be they newly independent or still under the thrall of the great Russian Bear. Belarussian Natalia Podolskaya is yet another doppelganger of the usual young starlet (usually ginger) who assail our eardrums year after year with the nonsensical crap that Russia throw at us. Natalia won the "don't really care about the song, just look at that" award for 2005. She had a half-decent voice, but also had to sing the same grammatically crap line with monotonous regularity. She showed promise though in a few areas, and I'd still gladly teach her how to wrap her tongue around a full English portion of prose.

Nathalie Sorce

Minnie Driver has been around a bit. And she came last in 2000 for Belgium. One of the very worst and deserves a special mention for the truly gut-wrenching effort at a ballard. The song dealt with the difficulties of living in a world without love, which isn't a surprise for her if she sings crap like that on a regular basis.

Natasha St Pier

Is it Ira Losco? No, it was the favourite from 2001, a dirge of a Frog-dog ballard which managed a fourth place, and has no doubt suckered the French into entering the same muck for the next decade. She went on to do incredibly well in her homeland, quite startling really.

Nuno Resende

"Le Grand Soir" didn't do too well really. One of the stinkers of the contest. I have more chance packaging & marketing my knob cheese thereby becoming a serious competitor to the "Seriously Strong" cheddar company, than this had of getting close to the podium. It was Belgium's French speaking peoples turn to choose this year, and they chose poorly. Leave it to the Walloons, that's what I say. More songs like this, and the Eurovision will rapidly cease to be "A Big Night".


The song "Tii" opened with a big man hitting a large cheese board with a big stick, setting the scene for the dross to follow. Estonia 2004 was tone-deaf Nolans dressed in beige cassocks and boots. "Tii" was a song in an entirely different language from that which 90% of Estonians actually spoke. Liken it to a Manx three piece representing UK, and you get an idea of the handicap. In a fair world, Estonia would've run the risk of being kicked out of the EU for this. But on the bright side, the percussionist Peeter is a "an attractive man with smashing arms and horn-headed like Pan", who headbutts cymbals and mis-times knee slides across the stage. It didn't qualify for the final.

The New Seekers

"I'd like to teach the New Seekers to sing" went the cry during the 1970's. The New Seekers biggest hit was taken up and made into a phenomenon for Coca Cola, resulting in millions of junior fillings ever since. As for the Eurosong, they came second in 1972 with "Beg, Steal or Borrow" a wholly acceptable slice of cheesy penmanship. Luxembourg won, having garnered votes from Belgium...again. When they returned Edinburgh Airport was "bedecked" in banners welcoming them to Scotland. Sadly they arrived back by train.

As their career stuttered, the fivesome were again favourites to represent the UK in 1980 with the song "Tell Me" but it was disqualified shortly before the televised final of "A Song for Europe" as they had been seen performing the song on another channel. They also released an self-penned single called "You Won't Find Another Fool Like Me". Never a truer word.

Niamh Kavanagh

"Committed" ginger Niamh won the Contest in 1993 with "In your Eyes". It wasn't very good really, being the Wexford cheddar set in the middle of twin Oirish crusty Irish bap success of '92 &'94. The only real bright point of this year was Lulu-clone mouthy Scouse Sonia didn't win, sending her back into the shadows. Phew.

Nicki French

Nicki was a game bird, who to her credit looks back on her poor performance for the UK in 2000 with fond memories, and remains to this day extremely keen to give it another shot. Unfortunately Euro listeners took 16th placed "Don't Play that Song Again" literally and consigned it to the dustbin. When Ms French released her second single "For All We Know", it reached 42 in the UK singles chart due to poor distribution and a barcode error. Lovely amatuerish stuff, entirely in keeping with Eurosong.


Euro Drum'n'Bass type thing going down here. Nicola looked a bit like Katrina (without the waves), in 2003 but not a lot was known of Nicola before the contest. It was a three minute song during which a man sat cross-legged on the floor, picked up circles of coloured card, and pretended they were records. I wish they were records of a better song. Ooh, and a dancer took off 8 layers of clothes. The song ended up as damply as Mr Motivator's Arabstrap, into 10th place for Romania.

Nina Astrom

"Nina Åström is a lover of God, of people and of good music", says her website. In that order. She released a song called “Merry Christmas Jesus”...surley that should be Happy Birthday? In 2000, she knocked on her neighbour's door in Stockholm with the leaflets grasped in her sweaty palm, and tried to sell God to us all with "A little bit". She came 18th. God loves a tryer, which is just as well.

Nusa Derenda

Disco-tastic, central Euro dance floor fever struck in a big way in 2001. Slovenian Ms Derenda belted her way through "Energy" into 7th over a thumping backing track and descending piano chords. Her outfit was worth a special mention, as motor-racing computer game programmers have modelled their pit girls on her ever since. The best Slovenian Eurosong ever, which I suppose is like saying Grimsby are the best football club in North East Lincolnshire.


The lead singer Peter is a cracking lass, who wears her skintight leather shorts with startling confidence. Growing up in a small village, she has something of the barn about her. As for the song, it was a raucous affair on paper, but sadly didn't live up to it's billing following qualification to the final. Finished a lowly 12th in the end, which was sad for the troupe of Hassidic Riverdancing Jews. Pogo-ing, hand clapping, thigh slapping jollity.

No Name

They're were basically a bunch of middle class Montenegran musical students out on the lash (to be honest seemingly the only band in Montenegro), who's original version of the song was chopped of two verses, and made into one long instrumentally heavy chorus, thankfully sparing us the lack of breadth of their vocal ability. Their video told the unusual story of an attractive young lady's unfurling of a ball of wool all the way from the desert to the coast. I presume its relays a deep and profound message about the rifts within the nation and the innocent victims caught up in the struggle...it usually is. At one point however, a striking similarity to "Wild Boys" by Duran Duran came into play. Finished 7th. Deserved lower.


Norway have been labelled the nil pointers of the contest. But they are also fairly successful having won it twice. Bobbysocks gave us all a sniff of mature Norwegian rotten whalemeat (the type they bury in the ground for weeks and then eat), and Secret Garden gave us ethereal wailing. Unlike their Swedish neighbours, Norway refuse to stick to the norm. The superstitious amongst you may have believed that Norway would have pulled it off in 2005. Why? Well, the reason is although they may have excelled themselves by getting no points on four separate occasions, they have won the thing twice. When? 1985 and 1995. But they didn't, glam rock or not.