Paul & Charlie

Paul Harrington and Charlie McGettigan were the "Rock 'n Roll Kids" of 1994. Well, actually there wasn't any rock 'n roll, and they sure weren't kids. This pissy ballard (which I'm sure the Irish entered to ensure they didn't win) pissed it by 60 points to complete a hat-trick of Oirish victories. My I wept with tears of emotion...deep deep regret and pain. Paul has gone on to perform for Prince, Coldplay, and The Rolling Stones as well as being a guest at Bryan McFadden and Kerry Katona’s wedding, no less.


2005 will Poland's tenth anniversary in the Eurosong, and they've been in the top ten twice since 1994, not that great to be honest. First time up Edyta came a creditable second, but alas they haven't approached that level of excitement tinged with temporary fear of having to host it since. "The Rhinestone Cowboy and the Snow Queen" (Terry's description, not mine) performed with weighty gravitas in 2003 and came eighth. But those apart, they've failed. Still, Germany love 'em.


I didn't think this was a bad song ("What's that?" ed. "Say it again"?!?) Yes, you heard me right, I didn't think they had a bad song in '99. The five piece girl group came in 13th for the UK, and carried on for a while unitl everyone cottoned on that they werren't much kop. One of them went onto to be a part of Atomic Kitten, which was a successful career move. Still they got a week in Israel out of it, and didn't have to spend anytime on a kibbutz.


Portugal are an enigma to me. I don't understand how they can churn out the same shite year after year, and not learn to either 1. try something new, or 2. quit. They've been in 37 contests, and been abject in all of them. Ok so they came 6th in 1996, but promptly followed that up with a no pointer a year later. '96 remains their best performance in what has been a litany of continuous embarrassment. Occasionally they do have a half decent singer (Anabela and Rita Guerra are the only two that spring to mind though), and I shouldn't complain because it's countries like Portugal that foul the footpath of serious Eurovision fans static caravans year after year. Long live Portugal.

Polina Smolova

Big on dance, small on pants. It's Belarus third attempt at Eurosong, and they're going downhill fast. Polina is a coal-miners daughter type of a lass, with a washing board stomach and sink plunger of a voice. She was reluctant to tell us her age, but though I'm guessing she's into her thirties, she gamely grinds on in the video, sporting the smallest pair of shorts seen outside of Copacabana Beach. 5th up during the semi-final (22nd place), so the whole sorry experience for Belarus 2006 was over by about 9:30CET on Thursday, following three minutes of Polina & her lumpen backing dancers slamming the re-inforced stage out of time, and out of tune.


In 2003 Slovenia sent a visually disconcerting act, so it was only to be expected they would follow it up with a run-of-the-mill conservative option of plain Platin. Out went the bright pink matching leotards, and in came a remarkably self-aware duo who would look better suited on building our dream home type of TV programme. They will be remembered for their Istanbul wedding after finishing 21st in the semi-final, cynically viewed by some as a PR stunt that all went a bit damp. However, they lived up to their "Stay forever" billing, by spending a honeymoon watching the Eurosong. A top idea.

Piero Esteriore & The Music Stars


Prime Ministr


Ping Pong


Paul Oscar