Olexsandr Ponomaryov

Ukraine was an Eurosong virgin back in 2003, and opened their account with a Prince William/Nicky Weaver melange of a man, who falsettoed his way through a rubbish track penned by Tvika Pick (still a great name). Alexander remains a big star in the Ukraine, and Mr Pick had already won Eurosong with "Diva" in 1998, so it couldn't go wrong, could it? Wrong, it went wrong. The rotating blue lycra-clad crotch on the contortionist added to the problems of "Hasta La Vista" and it was looking as if a nil pointer was forthcoming until some of the latter voting countries pulled it from the mire with a shitty stick. It should have sunk into the bog.


A Cypriot boyband from 2002, including Constantinos (who failed again 3 years later as a solo artist), and Panos Tserpes (a name which always raises my smile). "Gimme" was one for the gays, not one for me, came 6th, was shite. Enough of them.

Olsen Brothers

They won it for Denmark in 2000. Mickey Harte tried to win it for Ireland in 2003 with the same song but didn't. In fact it seems that every year, "Fly on the Wings of Love" is linked to some song or other as an example of plagiarism of the most venal kind. And I just can't fathom this, since "Fly on The Wings of Love" was rubbish and why anyone apart from the Irish would want to copy it is beyond me. The grandads were massive outsiders, and won at a gentle stroll with a soporific guitar ballard, the type of song that hasn't had a sniff at winning since. Alsou, Brainstorm, & Ines were among those who could only watch in mild surprise as the nice men from Copenhagen triumphed in front of a record 16000 audience.

Olivia Newton John

"Avid activist" Olivia is one of the most recognisable names ever to grace Eurosong. Born in the UK, she spent her early years as an Aussie, which must have been distressing but you can't have everything. The Yugoslavs & Italians liked her in 1974, but the other Euronations preferred ABBA, so Olivia came in a mere 4th with "Long Live Love", which she didn't want to sing anyway. She left Blighty a year later, shook off the stigma of Eurosong, and left one Greece for another. Now she's churning out "body, heart, and spirit wellness products for women", and is bit of a new-age nut.

Omar Naber

Omar was a lively fellow, who was a dentist, couldn't drive, and didn't do emotional outbursts in private. He thought of himself as a punk rocker although John Lydon's position was safe. He semi-finaled it to 12th in 2005, which meant that there was no crown for Omar as he was extracted from the contest.I'm just filling in now with bad puns, so I'll "Stop".


Everybody found something else to listen to in 2005 when this song came on. Ortal was a 26 year old French/Berber/Israeli/Andalucian, so had a solid cross-section of support in theory. She also wasn't afraid to show off her wonderbra, and stated her desire to fight for her country, a rare beast. You could tell she had seen hard times and was another Euro entrant downing a Cognac at the last chance saloon. It wasn't a rotten song, but was treated badly by the public, limping in 23rd.